Slideshow: TIMELINE: The Evolution Of Sports [the 22nd day of December 2009, 1:00am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/B7UFC96mCaY/timeline_the_evolution http://www.theonion.com/content/news_in_photos/timeline_the_evolution?utm_source=onion_rss_daily Slideshow POST | EDIT +

[video] NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast' [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:57am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/JvUo4PQj7Fg/nascar_coach_reveals_winning http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nascar_coach_reveals_winning?utm_source=onion_rss_daily On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles. POST | EDIT +

[video] Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist [the 29th day of December 2009, 11:00am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/LwzSUKPONI8/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated?utm_source=onion_rss_daily Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again. POST | EDIT +

Sports: Cheering Fans, Thrilling NCAA Tournament Disgust BCS Officials [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/OyP6m96nNzo/cheering_fans_thrilling_ncaa http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cheering_fans_thrilling_ncaa?utm_source=onion_rss_daily DETROIT—Claiming that determining an unquestioned national champion through a playoff system "went against the very idea of sporting competition," and that the sheer exuberance of college basketball fans was "a shocking and nauseating... POST | EDIT +

Sports: Manny Ramirez To David Ortiz: 'Road Trip' [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/BOQt2wvgwwc/manny_ramirez_to_david_ortiz_road http://www.theonion.com/content/news/manny_ramirez_to_david_ortiz_road?utm_source=onion_rss_daily SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the... POST | EDIT +

Sports: Lazy Nike Exec Pitches Commercial Where Usain Bolt Runs Away From Something [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/1738GIb2pVM/lazy_nike_exec_pitches_commercial http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lazy_nike_exec_pitches_commercial?utm_source=onion_rss_daily BEAVERTON, OR—The new campaign, which Nike advertising executive Paul Dewitt barely mustered the energy to title "Usain Bolt: Fast Guy," is scheduled to debut next March. POST | EDIT +

Sports: Dallas Cowboys Release Jerry Jones [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/HgehjXBEVk8/dallas_cowboys_release_jerry_jones http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dallas_cowboys_release_jerry_jones?utm_source=onion_rss_daily IRVING, TEXAS—In an attempt to cut the franchise's losses and "move forward in a positive direction," the Dallas Cowboys severed ties with controversial owner Jerry Jones Monday, ending their tumultuous 20-year relationship with the divisive figure. POST | EDIT +

Sports: Mr. Met Having Trouble Sleeping In New Home [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/PqHPNoTqGuk/mr_met_having_trouble_sleeping_in http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mr_met_having_trouble_sleeping_in?utm_source=onion_rss_daily FLUSHING, NEW YORK—After dozing off between innings in front of more than 41,000 cheering fans Monday night, an exhausted Mr. Met informed team officials that he has not slept since the Mets moved from Shea Stadium to Citi Field. POST | EDIT +

Sports: Michael Jordan Wondering Why He Wasn't In NBA Jam [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/DAQZsinX0dA/michael_jordan_wondering http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/michael_jordan_wondering?utm_source=onion_rss_daily HIGHLAND PARK, IL—After finding his old Super Nintendo in a routine cleaning of his attic, basketball great Michael Jordan was stunned to... POST | EDIT +

Sports: Bill Belichick's Tears Eat Through Podium [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/lEYgV_VivMs/bill_belichicks_tears_eat http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bill_belichicks_tears_eat?utm_source=onion_rss_daily FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a rare show of emotion, Patriots coach Bill Belichick began to cry during linebacker Tedy Bruschi's farewell press conference Monday, shedding a noxious black discharge... POST | EDIT +

Sports: Stan Van Gundy Draws Up Play In Barbecue Sauce [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/9ws9UN7CPXM/stan_van_gundy_draws_up http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/stan_van_gundy_draws_up?utm_source=onion_rss_daily ORLANDO—During a timeout in Game 4 of Tuesday's Eastern Conference Finals, Magic head coach and barbecue aficionado Stan Van Gundy used the... POST | EDIT +

Sports: Bloodstained Gary Bettman: 'I Have Taken The Necessary Measures To Ensure A Crosby-Ovechkin [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:05am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/o81rj0zIB10/bloodstained_gary_bettman_i http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bloodstained_gary_bettman_i?utm_source=onion_rss_daily NEW YORK—Addressing reporters yesterday in an unnervingly calm tone of voice, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman—his hands, face, and... POST | EDIT +

Sports: On Baseball In 2009: [the 28th day of December 2009, 9:00am] theonionfeed http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/zFmIqd8dsQw/on_baseball_in_2009 http://www.theonion.com/content/sports_fan/on_baseball_in_2009?utm_source=onion_rss_daily POST | EDIT +

surreptitious: Dictionary.com Word of the Day [the 28th day of December 2009, 12:00am] dictionary_wotd http://feeds.reference.com/click.phdo?i=72221e6b63231a3d2110ee0a4e870478 http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/archive/2009/12/28.html surreptitious: done, made, or gotten by stealth; also, marked by stealth. POST | EDIT +

Presented By: [the 28th day of December 2009, 12:00am] dictionary_wotd http://ads.pheedo.com/click.phdo?s=72221e6b63231a3d2110ee0a4e870478&p=4 POST | EDIT +

[audio] Santa Succumbs To Multiple Strains Of H1N1 Flu Virus [the 27th day of December 2009, 8:57am] theonionfeed http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/santa_succumbs_to_multiple?utm_source=onion_rss_daily Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland POST | EDIT +

expatiate: Dictionary.com Word of the Day [the 27th day of December 2009, 12:00am] dictionary_wotd http://feeds.reference.com/click.phdo?i=c01d15c1fc895e609fe92096a311b7a4 http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/archive/2009/12/27.html expatiate: to speak or write at length. POST | EDIT +

Survival Of Autoerotic Asphyxiation Closest Thing Man Got To Christmas Miracle [the 26th day of December 2009, 9:00am] theonionfeed http://www.theonion.com/content/news/survival_of_autoerotic?utm_source=onion_rss_daily DUNDEE, IL—"This is what Christmas is all about," said a police investigator, who found the unconscious body after responding to complaints of a loud crash. POST | EDIT +

hauteur: Dictionary.com Word of the Day [the 26th day of December 2009, 12:00am] dictionary_wotd http://feeds.reference.com/click.phdo?i=faccd11448ffa09b64c3cbdfa2c7d3e3 http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/archive/2009/12/26.html hauteur: haughtiness; arrogance. POST | EDIT +

Presented By: [the 26th day of December 2009, 12:00am] dictionary_wotd http://ads.pheedo.com/click.phdo?s=faccd11448ffa09b64c3cbdfa2c7d3e3&p=4 2 | POST | EDIT +

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